Boots Under the Stove

His body went home to Lloydminister and I came back to my little house nestled between the hills and Bonaparte Creek. They had given me his belongings and when I got home, I took his new boots that he had received a couple of weeks earlier for Christmas and put them under the wood stove to dry. My husband was getting ready for bed. I sat with a cup of tea and snuggled into the warm chair trying to rest and not quite believing how it had changed in the last few days. How I felt was different and how I saw the world.

Thankful for a fire roaring in the stove and listening to a blizzard howling down the valley between the hills. The snow seemed to swirl and dance around the house looking for a crack to send its icy fingers in. The flames seemed to know and leaped up as if to answer and send them away laughing into the night.

I held his watch and wished the steady ticking of it was still the beating of his heart. No I can't do this. I can not begin to doubt the Creator's way. I thought of the old man who cries outside the sweatlodge before we enter calling on the power of the four directions to help us, as we are like children and we don't know. I thought of all the loved ones I had lost to Spirit's call home.

But the missing and the pain--the loneliness crept in and the haunting moan in my mind asked "Why did you go home Randy? Oh my Father who art in heaven bring the peace I know that some with letting go. Let the whispering winds tell him all is OK and guide him from this place to his spirit home."

I begged for peace. I pleaded for understanding and the strength to get through the last part of this journey. Soon a warmth crept in and sleep slid into the edges of my eyes.

I think of him who has gone and wonder what is to become of me and this hole in my soul that knowing him has left. Where is the peace? I so need to rest.

I sense a presence in the room and I look up to see him sitting next to me. It is him in the physical like a hologram vibrating, but it is him. Wondrous joy saturates my being. I look at him and in that instant, all the pain of the last few days leave like they have never happened.

He looks at me those big beautiful brown eyes and his faced is filled with the most incredible love. He said, "I did die".
"No Randy its not true," I say as anguish pours out of me. "You are here".
"I did die. This is how it is. I love you and I will always be with you."

He faded and I was left with the most wonderful feeling of peace and love I had ever experienced. I knew then, in that instant, there is no time and no boundaries, and that love is eternal and never dies--that his love for me was so great that He sent him to let me know and that his last act was to teach me this.

I knew that this was of the Great Spirit for in your greatest time of need he will send you a voice, one to call you out of the wilderness and lead you home. Love is all there is. You will get a sign and he will provide all you ever need in your deepest, darkest hour of need.

With renewed strength and a peace that I still keep in my heart, I went to bed to dream of a place where there is no darkness, no shadows, no mysteries, and I knew from here he could see me.

I am blessed by a man named RANDY.